anything fuckable, part three

G: ryan!

R: Hey.

G: how is ryan?

R: I’m good. You? Back at school?

G: i am

R: Nice. Loving it?

G: sitting in my double single where my hands are so cold that i can’t get off without seriously torturing myself

G: i’m actually really happy here

G: had my first thesis meeting today, a little scary

R: Good to hear. How’s my boy S.

R: Oh nice.

G: s’s good, he sat with me at dinner the other night but i’ve been sick and i had no voice so i was like whispering to him

G: he’s really busy, and he has to dress up now

G: the reading for his class is really good but his class kinda sucks cause it’s all lowerclassmen

G: so how is your life as the busiest boy in the world

R: I am officially too busy.

G: like too busy to talk to me online

R: It’s reached a pinnacle where sleeping actually takes away from time where I should be doing other things.

G: yeah, i know how it is, my life has reached a pinnacle where thinking about getting off actually takes away from time where i should be doing other things

R: I think you have a serious problem.

R: How many 15 year old have you raped since you’ve been there?

G: zero, but i’m considering fucking nico who i haven’t even seen yet

G: my problem is that it’s too fucking cold to get off

R: Get in the shower man.

G: so cold that all i’ve thought about for the past two days is how i’m going to get off when i go home tomorrow

G: the shower sucks, man

G: and there is no way to keep your whole body warm in that shower at once

G: except the detachable shower head which doens’t work well to get off with, and could you imagine holding a shower head, a dildo, and a vibrator, it’s tough work, man

R: Wow…you’re a tough customer.

G: is it weird that two of the guys i’ve hooked up with have been in comas

R: Yes. Very.

G: yeah, i mean i’ve schemed about warming my hands with the comp, i try to warm my hands in my pants outside of my underwear first, it’s just fucking torture

G: oh the inhumanity

R: can’t you like, microwave a dildo or some shit?

G: um, if i wanted a seriously misshapen 85 dollar device

G: i mean, would you microwave your dick if it was too cold for me

R: I’d soak it in some warm water. Because I’m a considerate guy.

G: ha ha

G: too bad considerate doesn’t trump asshole

G: oh, so did i tell you about one of my awesomest recent college moments

G:  JP was here, and she was like, “ryan told me you were coming back,” and i was like, “who’s ryan,” and she was like, “from the city,” and i was like, “do i know him?” and she was like, “yeah, he went to school here”

G: i still didn’t know who you were

R: Fuck you, you love me and you know it because on the grand scheme of things, all I did was not call you. I didn’t dump you, give you a disease, a child, or a black eye. I just left you alone. I’m not too much of an asshole.

G: it’s amazing the uncanny ability i have to wipe guys outta my mind

R: What’s she doing there?

G: visiting

R: Way to go.

R: Visiting who?

G: yeah, but not calling me is worse cause it was inexplicable and i didn’t do anything to deserve it, if you gave me a black eye i prob woulda deserved it and if you gave me a child at least i woulda gotten fucked

G: L

R: oh right

R: well, you didn’t like me, so no hard feelings, right?

G: i just don’t think it’s fair that somebody uglier than me could get rid of me, you should have been kissing my ass, you should have been grateful

G: yeah, cause sluts don’t really like guys

G: sluts have no feelings

R: No, because you don’t really like guys.

G: hey, this sounds suspiciously like what i’m writing my thesis on

G: well it’s funny that i hate you then, cause why would i hate you if i didn’t really like you

R: What, you’re psychosexual psychosis and dysfunction?

G: um, what exactly is my psychosexual psychosis and dysfunction

G: that i find guys who treat me like shit

R: You’re just a sexual carnivore. Overstimulated to the point where you can only get off when you have an overabundance of stimulation, both visual and physical.

G: so are you freaked out by the fact that your porn wasn’t sufficient for me

G: and do you think it was necessary but not sufficient

R: I think you leave yourself open to it. I would have been so into you if you’d just seemed 10% less detached.

G: ouch

G: on a serious note, were you actually freaked out at the fact that i didn’t find your porn collection sufficient

G: and, by the way, i did mean that ouch, that did hurt

G: isn’t it a little weird that you are claiming that i’m detached when you are the one who didn’t call and who gave me mixed messages

R: I think it was an emotional thing. I’ve told you before. When we hung out you always seemed like you would be equally as happy sitting at home, or banging the guy next door, or reading a book on a park bench. I never got the sense you were enjoying yourself. It all just seemed so routine.

G: i don’t know, i felt like we had a pretty good time together until you stopped calling

G: do it ever occur to you that maybe you jsut came upon me at a time in my life when i wasn’t my happiest and it had nothing to do with you or other guys

G: and, for the record, i wasn’t happy banging the guy next door, in fact, you are the only person i’ve slept with all semester

G: so the porn thing really didn’t freak you out

G: i was just really drunk

G: and i really like cum

G: is that so bad

G: it doesn’t mean i’m overstimulated to the point where i can’t enjoy sex except in excess

G: and your porn collection is kind of unexciting, to be fair

R: No. The porn thing didn’t freak me out, I suppose it annoyed me more that I couldn’t do anything, you know? I felt pretty useless. I was not turned on at all during that whole thing because it felt less like a fun, sexy night a more like a chore.

G: well, you did owe me

G: and sorry guys can’t get me off, you don’t have to be a dick about it

G: it sucks enough that it can’t happen

R: I did. But you might as well have been at your house with all your equipment.

G: ha ha, you are wrong

G: do you think guys do nothing for me

G: like do you think i’m a real lesbian

G: nothing compares to being with a guy you are attracted to, the best porn and sex toys in the world can’t compare to that

G: i don’t understand why you think it’s all about getting off for me and not the experience

G: clearly if i can’t even get off with guys i don’t care about that that much

G: so are you just really insecure, because i feel like 90% of the claims you’ve made about me in relation to you are totally in your head

G: do you like getting rid of girls before you get rejected

G: cause if so, that isn’t very nice

R: I guess you just seem so focused on getting off. You pretty much ignored me for the hour or so you were knocking my porn (okay, boring I know…) and trying to get off. Not that it’s about ego, but when you’re fooling around with a girl, that usually involves, you know, fooling around with a girl, not jacking off while she insults your porn.

G: ha ha ha, well you said you wanted to go to sleep, in fact, you were getting in bed in the first place to go to sleep, and you were drifting off so i was like this is going to take me forever, you don’t have to stay up to watch me get off

G: is that so weird

G: i thought i was being considerate

G: so would you prefer that since guys can’t get me off i just don’t get off

R: I suppose…miscommunication.

G: so you feel like you aren’t useless

G: well what specifically do you think was miscommunicated

R: I have no real clue. I didn’t think it though that far. I was just telling you how I felt about it.

G: and, i still don’t think you realize that you did owe me so it wasn’t so much about fooling around with you as it was about getting me off

G: it’s not liek that’s why i came over

G: but once i was there

R: I know…but I guess I felt like if you knew I couldn’t get you off…what did I owe you? Shitty porn and awkward conversation for an hour? I guess you turn me on a whole lot, and it just sucks knowing you don’t really have the same effect on another person.

R: I mean I love going down on you, could do it for hours, but you waved me off after like…5 minutes and then took matters into your own hands.

G: um, so you infer for P1 no guy can get genie off P2 i can’t get genie off P3 guys turn genie on, that C i don’t turn genie on

G: and i don’t think our conversations are awkward, but if that’s the way you feel

R: Well they were awkward for me. I guess I’m still a little behind you in my openness about sex.

G: look, i think you’re really good, i’m totally turned on by you, but guys can’t get me off, do you have to make me feel guilty about that, this isn’t about you, this is about me getting off, about me enjoying myself, not about me reaffirming that you are god

R: But only a little.

G: so what convos do you mean, you mean dialogue in bed or you mean when we talk in general

R: I don’t want to be god. I just want you to feel about me the way I feel about you. Plain and simple. And I don’t think thats too unreasonable or infantile.

R: And I guess I just didn’t get that sense.

R: No matter what the case may have been.

R: And I didn’t think to ask because the question seemed ridiculous.

G: you have to understand that when guys are all about reaffirming themselves through sex, i can’t even enjoy it, it’s like there is pressure for me to get off and the whole time i’m thnking about getting off to please the guy and not about how good it feels, it shouldn’t be your mission to get me off, that is no fun for me, cause, quite frankly i don’t care if you can get me off, i don’t care if you think you can get me off, i jsut care about getting off, and, above and beyond that, enjoying it while it’s happening

G: welll it seems ridiculous to me that you would make a girl feel the way you feel about yourself just because you are insecure

G: how was i supposed to invest in something and show you that i liked you if you didn’t give me a chance, if you jsut cut me off

G: you cut me off before you even told me you liked me, then you told me online, we hung out once after that, it was good, or at least i enjoyed it, i contacted you many times, and you ignored me, what kind of message is that supposed to send me

R: Well I’m sure, as usual, this can’t come to a close until I’m the one who admits malfunction, insecurity, inferiority, and guilt.

G: oh ryan, stop being a guy and talking about blame

G: point blank, you are the one who got rid of me, does that seem compatible with your complaints about liking me more than i liked you

R: Nope. I’m full of shit.

G: do you really think that or are you just agreeing to placate me or to be sarcastic

R: Does it matter? I think you just fuck with me for sport somtimes, and right now is one of those times.

G: whatever, dude, i don’t have time for this

G: i have been nothing but sincere

G: and there is nothing i can really do beyond that

R: This is fun and all, but this is a load of shit. I never cut you off. I explained to you a million fucking times I was busy as hell. So, my bad for not spelling out that busy as hell meant “too busy for having genie come over so I can jack off and feel weird”

R: wow…that was way meaner than I wanted to be

R: Sorry. Seriously.

G: i have nothing to say

G: except maybe sometime you should read a transcript of our conversations

G: so you can listen to yourself

G: i have an archive, if you’d like

G: i can send you some better porn with it

R: Sounds great. I’ll do that right before i shove needles under my fingernails and then pour acid in the holes.

G: i don’t understand why you are being so mean to me

G: but i’m going to go


R: Hi.

G: yo

R: how goes it?

G: only two more days of hell

G: how be your life?

R: good good

R: My life is fine.

R: Finished school today.

G: word

R: You back in the city for summer?

G: yeah

G: of course

G: i’m as city as they come

R: Wanna get together for a drink? Purely platonic, of course. I’m buyin. I owe you something.

G: so i might be fucking this guy who is three years younger than me

R: oh well

G: ha, and why would i do that

R: It’s something to do.

R: Good company.

G: i mean, not that i don’t like free alcohol, but i don’t like free alcohol and assholes unless they come with free sexual favors

R: Well that can be arranged if you like.

G: hmm, that sounds tempting

G: but i do have this 19 year old lined up who is hotter and nicer than you

R: Well go for it then. I’m not gettin any younger.

G: ha, are you saying you are past your prime

R: well I’m out of your demographic, pedophile

G: word

R: hah

G: 19 year old cock just so fresh

R: Well, offer’s on the table.

G: well i’ll consider

G: to bad you don’t smoke weed, because i’d prefer free weed to alcohol, although i guess that doens’t facilitate any free sexual favoring

G: i started actually really liking coke

G: i think getting into coke is imperative to my new yorkerness

R: Ummm gross.

R: If you’re thinking of doing coke you can f off.

R: Around me that is.

G: so i can’t do coke off you

R: not unless youi’re seriously considering blowing me

R: I don’t mind telling ya.

G: so you are saying that i can blow coke off of your dick if i blow you afterwards

G: which would be a weird exp cause then my mouth would be fucking numb

G: but coke and penis does sound like a winning combination

R: Well then lets just stick with the one’s that not illegal, hmmm?

G: i don’t know man, you know i like breaking the law, i’m as gangsta as it comes

G: i have the urban outfitters shirt to prove it

R: Lame.

R: Stick with the youngin. You can do coke off his hairless ass.

G: ha ha, eww

R: Youd love it.

R: You know it.

G: i wish i had an std to give you

G: that would make my life complete

R: That’s fucked up.

R: Seriously.

R: I don’t wanna do anything bad to you.

G: yeah

G: well you know i’m an honest girl

G: just letting you know what you’re in for

G: maybe i should try to acquire a minor and curable std before we hang out

R: Okay well I’m an asshole, but you’re just plain deranged.

R: Because that’s really, really fucked.

G: and then insist that you pay the 1000 bill to get us treated

R: nassssssty

R: You get off on this shit.

G: not get off in a sexual way

R: psychosexual

G: yes, psychosexuals are awesome

G: i just like giving guys what they deserve

G: karma, ya know, i am at a hippie school

R: I know. What the fuck did you do to your gorgeous hair?

R: Now you look like Chrissy Hynde.

R: I mean, she’s hot, but you looked better before.

G: hmm, well i do like the pretenders

G: well, you can’t get everything you want, ryan

G: does this break our free sexual favors deal

R: What your haircut or the promise of an STD?

G: like you only like envisioning me giving you head if you can picture me pulling my hair back and getting spit in it

R: Nah that’s gross.

G: my haircut

G: i don’t have an std to give you, it’s unfortunate

G: i actually just got tested like two weeks ago

R: No chrissy hynde is hot and you are.

G: i’m so clean you could eat off of my vagina

R: How about I just plain eat it .

G: clever, i put that one right in your lap

R: You did.

G: so i’m considering doing this project where i take my std results, scan them, shrink them, and put them on the back of a business card that says, “Genie ______, safe slut, names of lots of random degrees”

R: That’s actually kind of hilarious.

G: i’m a funny girl

R: You tell no lies.

R: So 19?

R: Does he even have pubes?

G: yeah, i mean, i haven’t seen them, but i assume he does

G: he’s beautiful

G: and skinny

G: v heroin sheik without having to do the heroin

R: You are a strange girl.

G: i think he has a sweet cock

G: from just feeling it through his pants

R: like descriptively or it actually tastes sweet?

G: and since he’s so skinny it will look even bigger

R: Oh, right.

G: it will taste like uncircumsized, you know i like them goys

R: Oh gross.

R: Anteater.

G: sharpei, don’t you watch sex and the city

R: I don’t.

R: Listen, are you in or out.

G: ?

R: A drink?

R: When you’re back in town.

R: Maybe more if you promise you’re clean. You don’t even have to reciprocate because I owe you.

G: well, i don’t like making commitments

G: but i’ll consider

R: Sounds good.

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