In Your Face


Spring, 2006

Genie: hey nick, you know what i love about myself

Genie: when most people look at porn they are like, this is like sex, but on tv… when i have sex i’m like, this is like porn, but in real life

Nick: i think most ppl look at porn and think this isn’t like sex at all

Nick: but since i’ve got my dick in my hand anyway, i might as well jerk off



February, 2009

Soon after my V Day hook up with Andy, I scrawled this on a piece of paper. Tried to transcribe this as faithfully as possible. It might be a little scrambled on account of my handwriting looking like this.


I have to admit that I recently set up a sexual experience according to porn preferences. I was at that stage where I was so close but just couldn’t orgasm and was at a loss as to what I should do, what would push me over the edge, what would be the tipping point. I consulted that which was most accessible to me—I thought, ‘What would jesus do?’ Ha, no—I thought, ‘What would get me off if I were watching porn?’

I half-jokingly think of hook ups in terms of masturbatory material anyway. In effect, I posed the experience according to what I could get off to later—maximizing its utility. But, blurring the line between art imitating life and life imitating art, the hotness of the real life experience was determined by what would be hot from a third-person perspective.

Really, I thought ‘I have to be as inundated with cock as possible, what position will enable this?’ I want to smell cock and have it polished in my face. As options narrow, come face-to-face. The tease and immediacy. The physical constraint. The omnipresence and inescapability—an orgasm predetermined by persistence. “STRADDLE MY FACE,” I demanded. He questioned me, questioned if it was what I really wanted (intended). Was it? Well, it got the job done. But would I prefer that something else did?

As a porn watching people, we have grown accustomed to being voyeurs as well as participants, and our objective yet acculturated eye bleeds into the arena of active participation. POV staging has become so embedded in our collective thought processes, our personal pornographic narrative that it is easy to invent a sexual experience on the spot and view it in a sequentially counterintuitive manner—as if it were masturbatory material after the fact. Granted, I am an extremely visual person, but I can’t help but think that my body has been trained to react.



March, 2009

Genie: so here is one of the reasons i miss the redhead so much: he had like no refractory period so i could blow him and he’d cum then we had sex and he would cum again. i got the show and he got the orgasms. it was perfect.

Josh: wow

Genie: part two of a ten-part series of why i miss the red head is that before he came he would ask me what i wanted him to do with it, like it was an offering. how considerate.

Josh: where to deposit his gift

what is your usual answer?

Genie: not even like, “what do you want me to do with this cum?” more like, “my penis is going to expire in two minutes. what do you want to do with it before then?”

no face and no mouth, anyplace else is delightful

Josh: oh ha

its nice giving a warning

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