Frigid Vagina

FRIGID VAGINA (August 2011)

I ignored Davey of moral outrage fame indefinitely, assuming he knew why.

Davey: Why the cold shoulder?

Me: You mean the frigid vagina?

Davey: I wasn’t commenting on the temperature of your vagina.

Sent him the link to my blog, and he issued a half-assed apology I think. Whatever his response, it wasn’t significant enough for me to recollect. Bumped into him on the street days before I left for the wilderness.

Me: Think you are the person I’ve bumped into most consistently over the largest time span.

Me: We’ve graduated from HMV to Astor Place Wines–not much maturing.

Davey: You out tonight?

Game on? Ha. Niccce try.

But then the wilderness happened. And let’s be honest guys: I like sex even more than I like self-respect. He texted me, mere days after I began making arrangements for my NYC reunion fuckfest, in response to a snarky comment I had posted on his fb wall. Figured I might as well include him in the festive line-up.

Davey (on his fb wall): Cut Copy in BK tonight. Who’s going?

Me (on his fb wall): Woah, didn’t realize you were so hip.

………………

Davey: Not bad for an overweight frat boy drug addict

Me: Did I call you a drug addict?

Davey: Those were your words

In your blog

Me: The other words were mine

Davey: Reread it

Me: Okay i believe you i guess. Arent you out at a hip show tonight?

Davey: Well that’s what I’m responding to. Your Facebook post

Me: But you cant respond to it publicly on fb because no one knows we know each other?

Davey: Just prefer direct contact

Me: I am surprised you would make the pilgrimage to brooklyn

I would assume you would think bk is where scary black people live

[he is half black, and a shameless yuppie]

Me: Well you can have direct contact with me when im in the city

Unless you dont touch snobby, indignant women

Davey: Yeah. Hit me up

When do you arrive?

Me: Ill be home next thurs or fri… I go back to my monastic life of chemistry on aug thirtieth.

Tonight i get to learn how to rotate molecules in my mind without dropping acid. The models we use in class are like adult tinkertoys.

Davey: Ok cool. So Lets hang the following week

Me: Yeah, lets hang out during the week maybe… Maybe we can make actual plans like civilized people.

Davey: I would like that

With him, the challenges were reliability and being treated like a human being worthy of effort and public acknowledgment. Since I had so little time and so many guys to fuck, I couldn’t blow my week in the city on him if he wasn’t a sure thing.

Me: Plans tonight? Tomorrow night?

Davey: Dinner with the fam tomorrow night. Cancelled my plans tonight cuz I’m too tired to be in public. Will probably be on my couch watching a movie

Me: Bleh, lame. You don’t want couch company?

Davey: Couch company doesn’t sound too bad. I guess let me know. I don’t intend to move all night

Me: I might have to go to a trashy pool party tonight

In stark contrast to lake swimming in [the wilderness]

If i come over will you at least move part of your body? Ill let you know…

Davey: I think a bit of movement will be possible

Davey: Fuck. Boss just roped me into drinks with clients. If this turns into dinner, which it always does, in gonna lose it

Will let you know what my deal is

Me: Doing the pool party lateish tonight, so if you have after work obligations guess tonight won’t work. It’s a rough life when you are forced to eat fancy dinner instead of sitting on your couch, waiting for girls to have sex with you. Wednesday, perhaps?

Davey: Trust me I’d much rather be doing the latter. If tonight doesn’t work out I can probably do Wednesday

Me: You always were a charmer.

………………….

Davey: Heading home. Assuming you’re already engaged

Me: Eh, im just about to head out to pool party

Davey: Ok cool. Enjoy